So, it has been a really long time since I have posted to my blog, and I am sorry I have slacked off...but I have get back on that blogging horse again...that said, on to my post....
Recently we have had a great loss in our family. A beautiful little angel returned to live with her Heavenly Father just shy of 2 years old. Korey's baby sister Noelle and her husband Rich lost their little baby last week.
She did have a terminal illness, Leigh's Disease, but this was a shock at the timing of her death. All things considered, and feeding tube aside, she was not showing signs that her time here on earth was coming to an end...Rich woke up and checked on his little girl to find her already gone...the regrets started immediately, should have cuddled her longer that night, those sort of things that will eat away at a parent that just lost their baby. The call came at 3 AM, and we know that nothing good happens at 3 AM usually. The news was shocking to us to say the least. We had been planning Christmas gifts for the kids exchange to be held soon. Plans for the Christmas dinner were finished. We would spend it with Noelle and Rich so they would not have to travel with Tayler. The trip would now be made early for a very different gathering. An overwhelming feeling of sadness and sorrow kept us awake, and we found our selves kissing and hugging on our baby of the family, who was sleeping in our bed. All of our kisses woke him and then the searching for special photos started. With all 3 of us remembering our last encounter with Tayler at the end of August. It was a great visit, one that we will be forever grateful that we made. I never fell back to sleep that night. My heart was just completely broken for my sister and brother in law...I hoped I would never have to know exactly what they feel. We did not tell the boys before they went to school that morning. It was a day of preparing to leave getting the Durango fixed, bags packed....and wondering how the boys would take another loss of a loved one, the 4th one in 2 years. I had never had so many losses until my adult life.
That evening we gathered the boys and broke the news. It was just heart breaking to see them. Jordan's was probably the most touching to me, because he felt the same way I did. He just broke out in tears immediately, crying out...."not again, I can't do this mom, I can't see her like that, she is too little to see her in a casket!" Oh, my poor baby was feeling the same feelings that I was, I wanted to take away the pain that he was feeling.We had planned to attend the musical "Footloose" at the high school, but I decided I needed to finish the packing and planning for the trip so we sent the older boys to the musical with their cousin. While I planned and prepared for the trip, Korey rested and tried to forget and not think about it.The trip went well, as well as we could have expected for a trip as this....the baby looked like a doll. The boys mourned. They are strong in our faith and know that we will see her again someday. She will be ready to welcome us home one by one one day. No longer weak, but strong, and I envision her running to her family members excited to see us all together again. Jordan was asked the night before the funeral to sing at the end. He had done this a few other times, singing Amazing Grace...the first time at his great grandma's, when he was 3. He sang it last as his grandpa's funeral. Taylers parents wanted him to sing it there. He was nervous, and I told him he could do this. He would be able to get through it. He was scared when he saw the number of people there, but he took that great big breath in, held it for a minute, and then sweet music escaped his mouth. He sang it so beautifully, I was so proud of him getting though that, doing it for Tayler and her parents. I am grateful for my family and the health of my boys. I am grateful for the knowledge that one day I will be able to see Tayler again, I am grateful for the many blessings that I have, and for the trials in my life. For my trials, I am promised, I will be able to bear, I trust in the Lord that he will hold true to that promise. I am grateful for getting the chance to see my parents for a day and a half after the service for Tayler. I am grateful that my husband sacrificed his 2 days off after the service for me to see my parents....when he could have been hunting. Something that he has been preparing for since the beginning of the fall.
I have a lot to be grateful for!
